Tipsy
by FanWriter02
Summary: The twins and Snotlout trick Hiccup into thinking a keg of alcohol is innocent cider. Astrid's left to deal with the consequences. RTTE season 5 time-line. Hiccstrid. One-shot.


_Another request on tumblr for drunk Hiccup. I probably had too much fun with this request lol. Just some cute goofy drunk Hiccup, exasperated Astrid, and an utterly scarred Toothless. xD Enjoy!_

 **Tipsy**

"Where's Hiccup?"

Fishlegs looked up from his book, looking oddly… guilty _._ He and Metalug were the only ones in the room, making Astrid even more suspicious. If the twins had captured, trussed up, and left Hiccup in a closet again, she was going to kick their butts all the way back to Berk.

"I-I have no idea." Fishlegs voice was off pitch. It was blatant he was lying.

Astrid walked slowly towards him and his dragon, trying to remain quietly calm. She'd been looking for him all day, and even if it was only the late afternoon, for Hiccup to be absent for an entire day was very out of the norm, and truth be told it frightened her. She'd never recovered from that Dragon Hunter incident.

And so, she leaned her elbows on the table, not even blinking as she stared into Fishlegs' eyes. "Fishlegs, I can tell you know where he is. Direct me, would you?"

"It was _not_ my fault." He finally gushed. He dropped his book and waved a hand towards the door. "The twins and Snotlout came in and dragged him off, saying they had found some kegs on Johann's last ship. They swore it was cider. I doubt it was."

Astrid's eyes widened and her mouth slackened. Hiccup? And Alcohol?

He'd hardly touched the stuff, and Astrid doubted it was because he'd liked it. When they had it at banquets or chieftain meetings, he merely swirled it around in his cup or sipped.

Then again, that was almost two years ago. Things definitely could change. For one, Hiccup could actually find the taste enjoyable. And another, the twins would be there urging him on. And if he thought it was cider… Thor almighty!

Scratch kicking their butts to Berk. She was going to strangle them instead. Snotlout too, the idiots.

"Thanks, Fishlegs. When they come sulking in here make sure they stay out of trouble."

Fishlegs nodded meekly. "Try not to hurt them."

Astrid shook her head and began marching out of the hut. Stormfly watched as she passed, face fixed in anger and walking with a determined gait. The dragon glanced at her, then back at the door, before giving a little ruffle and following.

There was a bang in the twins hut, causing her to skid to a stop. She turned and winced at the sound of raucous laughter.

 _Oh boy._

There was a shout, and the entire situation suddenly dawned on her. Those… _fools_ had lied, and tricked Hiccup into drinking. _HOW DARE THEY._ How did they even think this was an amusing and good idea!?

She clenched her fists and fixed her jaw. She stomped to the door and slammed it open, sending the room into a hushed silence.

Snotlout was leaning back in his chair tilting it against the wall behind him, a mug in his hand and clothes a mess. Both twins were flopped over the beds, grinning goofily as they hiccup'd.

Then… there was Hiccup, sprawled across Toothless's back, a cup wavering in his hand and his head tilted to look up at her. He broke into a sloppy grin, confirming her suspicions.

They were all stone drunk.

"You _IDIOTS!_ " Astrid bellowed. Toothless stared up at her in relief, while the others only snickered or burped. "This is the stupidest thing ANY of you could've done." She raised a hand and jerked her finger to the three culprits of the crime. "You three- get your sorry butts to the clubhouse. NOW."

Ruffnut chortled as she and Tuff rolled off the bed. They were waving back and forth as they walked, making Astrid wonder if they'd fall of the planks on their way. Good riddance.

Snotlout was snoring loudly, already sleep in the few seconds she'd spoken. She rolled her eyes and resolved to let him stay. She had Hiccup to take care of.

Poor guy. Even drunk she couldn't get mad at him. Sure, should he have been smart enough not to get talked into their idea? Heck, yeah. But it was all rather innocent that she couldn't bring herself to even be frustrated.

Disappointed- definitely. She was the one who'd get stuck with him puking all night long.

She sighed and felt herself soften with a shake of her head. "Oh, Hiccup."

"Azzztrid." He raised a glass, spilling its contents all over his copper armor. Either he didn't notice or he just didn't care.

Toothless groaned sadly. The poor dragon looked worried- no wonder. His rider was acting like a diluted nut.

"Hiccup, we need to get you to your hut." She made her way towards him, stepping over scattered empty bottles. She reached down and grabbed his arm, attempting to get him to stand. He was like a limp rag doll: dead weight.

"Hiccup, work with me here." Astrid grunted. For such a lean guy, he sure could be heavy when he wanted to be.

"Bud Azdrid." Hiccup drawled. His cup dropped to the ground as he finally found his footing- somewhat. If she let go of his arm he'd drop to the ground again. "I like id here."

"No, no you don't." Astrid reassured him. She wrapped his arm around her shoulder and her other around his waist, leading him towards the door as Toothless lumbered to his feet to help. He lowered his head under Hiccup's other hand, crooning in concern.

"Hey Toofless." Hiccup gave a bubbly laugh. He sounded like a goofy teenager again, and not a stressed and serious "adult" he'd become with the recent responsibilities. Even under the circumstances, Astrid couldn't help but smile.

They were nearing his hut when he flopped his head down onto her shoulder, pressing a sloppy kiss on her chin. He almost missed it, giving a little giggle when he did so. "Yer so pwetty."

"Thank you, Hiccup-" Astrid squealed when he stuck a finger against her ribs, effectively tickling her. "Hiccup, stop it! I'm going to drop you."

He giggled again. "Bud you wuv me."

"Yes, I do, but that does not mean I'm just going to… let you get away with stuff as stupid as getting drunk."

He pulled a confused face, his facial expressions twice as expressive as it normally was, which was saying a lot, since he was a very expressive person in general. His nose wrinkled and his eyes narrowed, making him look so young it reminded her again of his teenage days. Funny how it seemed like that was so long ago, yet it had merely been a couple of months since he'd been a teenager by age.

"Bud… I'm _nod_ drunk."

Astrid shook her head and pulled his arm further over her shoulder when he began to slide back. Toothless willingly bounced up and nudged Hiccup's back with his nose.

"I beg to differ."

"Beg? You dun't beg." Hiccup mumbled. "Yer Azdrid. You demand and order. You kizz gud too." He gave a lopsided grin. "And yer pwetty."

"You've said that." Astrid struggled to hold Hiccup up and open the door at the same time, but somehow managed it. Hiccup rambled on some more as she pulled him inside and began helping him up the ladder steps. Eventually, Toothless became so impatient with his antics he simply picked him up in his mouth by the scruff of his shirt and leaped up into the loft.

"Toofless!" Hiccup slurred. "Put me down-"

Toothless, thoroughly unamused, opened his mouth and let Hiccup crash to the floor. The boy rolled over, hands over his eyes as he let out a low moan.

Astrid shook her head and bent down to unclasp his armor. "Trust me, that headache's about to get a lot worse."

"Why?"

"Because, Hiccup. You have an unhealthy amount of alcohol in your system."

He peered out between his fingers. "Bud I only had…" He held a hand up, counting away his fingers. He reached two and shoved them into her face. "Two mugs!"

She moved his hand away, tempted to laugh but deciding against it, simply because she didn't want him to think she found this amusing.

So, Hiccup couldn't hold his liquor. She should've known.

"Alright, babe, now stand up and I'll help you get to bed."

"Buuuuuuut!" Hiccup's voice rose till he was practically singing, which she promptly ignored as she and Toothless tugged him to his feet. "I'mmmmm nod dired, Azdrid."

"I don't care. I just want you in bed, asleep, and moving passed this entire mess."

"Mezzz." Hiccup buzzed. "Mezzz… mess?"

"Yes. You are a mess. And trust me, you are really going to be regretting those two cups of cider."

Hiccup flopped into the bed, curling under the blankets until he was a tight ball. Astrid shook her head and looked around for a bucket.

"Azdwid." Hiccup mumbled from beneath the blanket.

She turned to face him. "Yes?" She asked, exasperated.

"I wuv you."

She shook her head with a little smile and pulled up the chair from his desk, plopping into it and running a hand through his hair. "I love you too, Hiccup. And, for the record, you're an adorable drunk."

She wasn't about to let him make the same mistake again, and she had a feeling _he_ wouldn't let himself make such a mistake again, but for now, the lesson was learned.

Never trust the twins and Snotlout with a keg of cider.

* * *

 _Hope you liked this piece of foolery. I sure enjoyed writing it hehe. :D_

 _-Kat_


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